wahey!!!

My tatay just got back from Hong Kong last night. At about 6pm, he called me up and told us that they just got out of the airplane. Then I asked him, “Ano nabili nyo?” Then his jolly voice turned gloomy and said “Wala nga eh.” Of course that was a real downer. But well, I was still happy to be seeing him and hear his stories about their trip. He asked me to fetch them at 7pm near the Tabang tollgate, so my sister and I waited there until they arrived.

When we got home, he opened their bag and showed us a couple of t-shirts with Hong Kong designs on it, then told us that he would be giving us something but we should promise that we would share it to each other. I tried guessing, wallet or cellphone, though I wasn’t really interested. What he handed to my sister from his beltbag was something I never expected… a digicam!!! Hahaha! My sister and I were ecstatic! We were jumping for joy. My tatay told us that he didn’t spend his pocket money so he could buy us a digital camera. I really don’t care about the reviews, and the design (yeah, that grip is a little weird), because it’s still a digital camera! Kahit nga di-tulak na digicam basta digital, papatulan ko pa din. hehe

Then today, Bryan and I went with my tatay to Manila because we were going to buy gifts. We first looked for a camera case, and we found one in Jansport. A little expensive, but we want our camera safe and protected. We also tried to look for an exact same camera that we have, just to know how much it costs here. We found only one store. Boy, were we shocked. My tatay was so happy he bought it in Hong Kong. Hehe. After that we bought the gifts for some buyers of our dressed pigeons.

Also, Bryan and I bought drinks at Starbucks for the last 2 stickers in my card. I finally claimed my planner!!! Weeeee!!!! The barista must have seen the happy happy face I had when I finally got it; I think he congratulated me about 3 times. What an achievement. And with that planner, I got to donate P50 to project SparkHope. Nice. :)

However, Bryan didn’t come home with us anymore. We parted ways before we went home. He’s going back to La Union. Hay…. Another month of waiting… Thanks for the gifts and for the treats and for the company baby. I’ll miss you!

So there, I have a very wonderful year-ending. Too bad when we got home and turned on the tv, we saw footages of the tsunami. I felt a little guilty. Here I am rejoicing with my gifts, while the families of 55,000 victims are in agony. The Philippines is still lucky to have been spared. Imagine if we were not, after the 3 typhoons that hit us.

What is happening to the world? It’s like 2004 has been sailing smoothly and then all of a sudden a few days before the New year, things have gone really, really wrong.

Like any other, all I can do is pray for them… Hope 2005 will be a good year for everyone.

happy birthday to me

I’m now 22. Yay! My 22nd birthday has been the 2nd best birthday I’ve had (next to my 18th, of course).

It was kinda weird to have it really celebrated parent-less. We went to mass, visited my nanay, visited my Mendoza relatives at Sta. Isabel, and then my lola at Sta. Rita, before going back home so my tatay and stepmom can prepare for their trip. All in 2 hours, can you believe that? After a while at 11am, my tatay and tita were fetched by their companions and they left for the airport. Kainggit!!!

My sister and I then went to Catmon to celebrate the rest of Christmas with my Sulit relatives. After eating a hearty meal, and receiving numerous gifts, I spent most of my stay there sleeping, even if I was in the most uncomfortable position. I was sooo tired coz I didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

At about 7pm, even though I hated driving at night because my vision is kind of a problem in the dark (even though I wear glasses), we went to Bulacan, Bulacan to visit Tito Rey there. My aunt who visited him told us that he was waiting for other visitors, and that he was kinda sad because his other relatives weren’t there. We were happy to see him in a better condition. He was talking well, he could get himself to a sitting position without assistance, his skin color was not as yellow as before, and he was not whimpering in pain. The relief of seeing your sick relative in such a good state… The 200,000+ (2 days excluding doctors’ fees) that they spent at St. Luke’s Medical Center was definitely worth it.

And finally today, I got to see my baby again! :) We first dropped by Petron Starbucks before we went to SM North Edsa, ate at Chicken Inasal, and shopped for gifts for his family. I bought my Tito Rey a bolster from Bearhuggs because my Tita Ninia said he wanted that specific kind of pillow so he can hug something while sleeping. I bought my Tita Ninia a Mama Mary lamp similar to what I gave my nanay before. We bought a toy gun for Tap-Tap because he made bilin before Bryan and I left for the mall. I also bought little cakes and cookies from Art Cakes for my Tita Bonita and my younger cousins. I had fun shopping for gifts, although I still have not bought my baby any other gift than the pirated NBA Live 2005 cd. By the time we were done shopping he was a little irritable because his feet were aching from all the walking that we did.

We were supposed to celebrate my Bulacan barkada’s Christmas party at Nikka’s place at 6pm, but there were some issues and they decided to change the plans. But since they really wanted to see each other for Christmas (it has been a tradition of some sort already), they instead went to my house and celebrated there. Bryan and I bought the giant Yellow Cab pizza before we left SM, and when we got home, I drove Bryan to his Tita’s place because he said he had to go home early, and I went to fetch Butchik on my way home. I brought Tap-Tap along with me.

At about 7 pm, Mary Ann and Popoy arrived, and Mitzi and Cecilia a few minutes later. They brought chicken cordon bleu recipe by Mitzi’s sister, chocolate mousse from Red Ribbon, ube halaya (tama ba?), suman, some chichiria, and a few bottles of San Mig, which I was able to consume only half a bottle of, before finally giving up. Hehe. I don’t like the taste of beers. The best I can do is consume a whole bottle of Mule, nothing more.

It was fun. They started by singing to me the birthday song, with the cake sitting beside a candle they found in our house, but wasn’t lighted because there were no matchsticks around. Hehe. Aside from interviewing Mary Ann about how it feels to be a soon-to-be mom (she’s 7 months pregnant and is due February 25), and the perks of having a married life, we also had fun singing karaoke songs that my darling sister set up. We had a blast reminiscing about our highschool days, about our present lives, and also shared a lot of confessions. But this was definitely fun, fun, fun. They left at about half past midnight.

Great, great birthday. I received a lot of gifts, even those most-wanted under my wishlist. This has also been the year with the most number of people remembering my birthday (my 18th birthday doesn’t count. Hello, there were invitations handed so that’s a reminder) I spent the whole day of December 26 with Bryan, and he’ll be in Bulacan until the 28th. I have only 4 stickers left for the Starbucks planner. Kaya lang I wasn’t able to call my relatives abroad. Hay. Merry Christmas Cha and Che! Miss you!!!

To everyone who greeted my on my birthday, thank you!!! J I hope I don’t forget your birthdays… ahahaha!

Happy New Year!!! :)

greetings

idea from- who else?- the great Ala Paredes. hehe

♥ happy christmas everyone!!♥

thank you din sa lahat bumati happy birthday sakin! :)

sleeping pill entry

my sister just lost her 1thousand-peso bill. poor girl. as i am typing this entry, she has been constantly waking up from her sleep every 10 minutes or so for the past hour, gets up, checks her wallet, and then goes back to sleep again. had it been an ordinary night, a marching band could have entered the room and she would have no recollection whatsoever of any interruption the next day.

it's 1:10 am and what am i doing still up? i don't know. i just don't feel sleepy at all. i remember drinking 4 cups of coffee just for this day. i guess i drank too much.

today is december 24. tomorrow is december 25. christmas day. Jesus' birthday. my birthday as well. hmm...

in my entire life, i have only attended "simbang gabi" twice. haha. and do you know, we don't celebrate noche buena. :) i was actually surprised to learn that noche buena was to christmas, as media noche was to new year. i learned that only when i was in 1st year college, when a classmate woke me up from my sleep at half past midnight to greet me a happy birthday. she was surprised to hear my voice all groggy, and asked me when school resumed if we don't celebrate christmas at all. turned out that while everyone was preparing dinner and waiting for the clock to strike 12mn, to finally greet each other merry christmas and open their presents, my family and i are in deep slumber, and only start celebrating christmas when we wake up. :) i honestly thought, noche buena meant the whole day of December 24. stupid. hehehe

but we do celebrate media noche. ang weird naman kung pagka-gising namin eh saka lang kami magpapaputok at magtatatalon diba? :P

my tatay's leaving for hongkong tomorrow. he'll be back on the 28th pa, not the 27th. i wonder how my christmas would be without a single parent around... i have to start packing his things pa tomorrow. when my tatay's excited, he just gets too aligaga that he forgets things. i know he's excited, he just wouldn't show it. hehe. ever since my nanay passed away, i've always been the one doing the packing for him.

yehey, my eyelids are finally starting to get droopy.

that's it. i'm off to sleep.

merry christmas! :)

hail ala

I. AM. BORED.

Two more days and I'm 22.

Dang.

When will I ever be able to write like Ala Paredes? I wish my blog contained stuff that's actually worth reading. Like hers. I don't know how she makes even long entries interesting. I read every single word.

Oh well. Wishful thinking. Must be the genes.

I suck at writing. But congratulations to me, I am actually keeping this thing alive even if it's all crap. :)

"I write to express, not to impress."

Haha. I still wish I had the talent though. ;P

Found this while bloghopping last night and tried it.

Nina Kristine Mendoza Sulit

anagrams to

Moralize in unkindest saint

Try it here!

Hehe.

Whatever.

the ethereal layout

haha. i just fucked with this entry. was trying to edit it, and now it's gone.

very good job.

hay. if it wasn't for my new layout that i finally like, i probably would have been hitting myself right now.

since i am in a good mood, and i am not yet sleepy, i'm going to retype the whole thing again.

so there, i now have a new layout. i've been dying to have this layout since last semester (idea from this blog), and i'm happy i was able to do it on my own, the way i planned it. i wanted it simple, unlike my old blog, which was pretty much congested. :) and i'm surprised it took me a shorter time than the last time i decided to change my layout, only to revert to my old one. God, I really am OC with margins. Margins, padding, alignment. anything concerning lines. wahaha. at least i got to be css-literate before the year ends.

however, there's still the problem of vanity. er, just look at the pic on your left in case you failed to notice. heh. i was experimenting with photoshop, and after trying on a few filters, i can't remember how i came about with this pic of my face looking like it's glowing. and yeah, that's my hair covering the other half of my face. i just made sure my hair blended with the background.

so, why ethereal? i just put in that word, for balance? just so the picture won't look like something's missing.

ethereal = light and delicate, especially in an unnatural way. the pic's kinda eerie and haunting, i look like a ghost, but at the same time it shows a hint of lightness. just like me, behind that "mataray" and intimidating impression is a person just as sentimental and delicate as any other girl...

bleh.

hehe. i never said i was an artist. :P

i'm smiling. i'm happy. my baby and i are back together. weee!

i love you hon. :)

mi madre

Today is my mother’s 49th birthday. Since my father had to go to Pampanga for business (I know my mother would understand. My tatay’s been working like a dog lately), he told us to visit her and bring her flowers. So at about 11 am, my sister and I went to visit her burial place, we brought her a dozen white roses, and we prayed the rosary. I also talked to her in silence, asked her to still look over me and my sister, especially my tatay. Although my tatay’s got a new wife already, I can see that he still hasn’t forgotten about my nanay and that he still loves her more than anything in this world.

It’s been 5 years since she passed away, but up till now, I still having crying moments whenever I remember how much I am missing my nanay. Just last Monday morning, while I was reviewing for an exam, our neighbor turned their stereo on and played songs of praise. And then this song (the title was Power of Love I think…), which was one of her favorites, started playing. I was singing along at first because I loved that song too, then suddenly, I just got teary-eyed, and then I started crying. I miss her terribly.

Now it’s going to be our 5th Christmas without her, and it still is difficult. I can’t imagine how Christmas must be like for those who just lost their loved ones- the people of Infanta, the family of FPJ, the De Venecia’s, and many others. I sincerely pray for peace in their hearts, because I know how it feels to lose someone you dearly love.

I love you nanay. I miss you so much.

almost happy christmas

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…

Yeah. :)

Yesterday our class had a mini Christmas party at Dencio’s. A little expensive, but the time I had with my classmates was awesome. :) We had our exchange of gifts there, and I finally got the Starbucks coffee beans I wished for (it’s my gift for my tatay) although my mommy didn’t know me (Baya). :P

I received marvelous gifts from my cool, great, sweet friends. :) Nicky and Mitzi gave me the Body Shop’s Olive Body Butter as a birthday gift (so sweet of them!), and Brenda gave me the Dry Oil Mist I really really wanted. I was surprised she gave me that, knowing it costs 650 and our exchange gift quota was only P300. She told me “Birthday mo din naman eh.” Haha. The pros of celebrating Christmas and birthday at the same time. :) And Dimple gave me a gift too, I’d rather not tell what it is. Let’s just say, “it” and cami don’t go together. Hehe.

Also, I have only 6 stickers to go for the Starbucks planner. Yay!

At the SLCM Christmas party last night, I also won a free coffee from Seattle’s Best. Haha. Boy, was it a “me day” yesterday. I claimed it this morning for my tatay, and I had to pour in a cup of creamer, 4 packs of white sugar, and 2 packs of brown sugar before he finally liked the taste. Imagine how bitter that coffee was…

And today, we went at SM to shop for Christmas clothes. :) I was soo happy to be able to buy the shoes I really want, that their size fit my big, ugly feet!!! Weeee!!! I love Via Venetto. First, the Birks. And now, this one. :)

Christmas vacation na!! Yahoooo! After spending 2 consecutive nights working on glitter, cutters, boards and pentel pens, I can finally sleep like a baby tonight. Thanks so much Redg for the design!!! Ganyan ka-special ang Days, kaya join na kayo. :P

By the way, she went home with us last night, and helped out with the Days stuff. She gave me a gift, and she told me that gift would surely make me remember her and our ghost experience, and it did. Wow. I finally talked to her. :)

1 week nalang, Pasko na.

Today is the 18th of the month. There’s only one person I’m waiting for para kumpleto na ang Pasko ko. If after Christmas, wala pa din… that’s it.

pizza, pasta, lovebirds and cutters

Since it’s my birthday on the 25th, and I am partly pressured by my friends treating us out to lunch or dinner or something during their own birthdays (hehe), I decided to treat some of my friends to dinner. I was planning it for Thursday, but remembering how hectic our schedule would be because of the stuff we have to do for Days, I decided after school to invite my friends over for a pig-out. :) We had Yellow Cab pizza (yum!) and pasta delivered at our home. Present were Nicky, Mitzi, Dimple, Joan, Tizza, and RJ. I was planning on inviting some more friends over, but I was worried my budget won’t be enough to satisfy their hunger. (We went to SM North yesterday to buy stuff for our class and barkada exchange gifts, and I bought gifts for some friends and family.) But when I saw how huge the 18” Yellow Cab pizza was, I regretted not having invited some more people. Joey and Gingi, I owe you guys.

Nevertheless, it was fun. We watched White Chicks on dvd while happily munching on our pizzas. My friend Jojo, now Joan’s boyfriend, also dropped by after work. It’s good seeing a college barkada I haven’t seen for quite a while now. It’s also partly frustrating seeing him in his office attire, and knowing he’s working now and earning money, while I’m still here stuck in medschool barely getting a decent amount of sleep every night. Oh yeah, when Jojo and Joan were on their way to our house, I was watching them, and I couldn’t help but smile. HHWW-PSSP. Hahaha. The classic holding-hands-while-walking-pa-sway-sway-pa thingie. It’s also a cute thing knowing that I am partly responsible for the happiness those two lovebirds have found in each other. :P I was the ultimate taga-tukso of them before, and look where they are now. :)

It’s great that although love’s not working well for me, at least it's working well for others.

Hay. Whatever am I going to do… You know I'm just waiting for a message from you.

Okay, moving on…

I discovered something interesting inside the pizza box. In fact, I have seen it a lot of times before in other pizza boxes, but it was just earlier that I took a closer look at it and found out that it was called a pizza cutter. Hehehehe. A breakthrough or was I just plain ignorant? Well, if it’s the latter, there are 3 of us ignorant then. Dimple and her cousin Louie didn’t know it was a pizza cutter either until I told them. I thought it was just a tool to keep the apices of the pizza slices from sticking together. But, it is a cutter, at least that’s what it says at the back of this thing. I had Dimple sign her name on it too, and I’m going to have the others sign on it as well tomorrow. Remembrance. Cheesy girl. :P

Ten more days to go and it’s Christmas! Yayyy!

Ten more stickers before I get my Starbucks planner...

2 weeks before christmas

Wow it’s almost been a week since my last update.

Exams, exams, exams.

Flunked, flunked, flunked.

Ha.

Well I’m almost sure I’m going to flunk all those, unless all the Departments decide to have 20% as their passing grade, which, as I know it, is next to impossible.

Okay, it’s all my fault. I only get to study the night before the exam itself, and I start studying always at about 9 pm on the average. Why? I don’t know. For some reason, I try to do something that’s actually nothing, just for me to not start studying. And that darn Yahoo game Feeding Frenzy really got me addicted, courtesty of, ahem… Dimple. Yeah, instead of studying, we’re either watching TV, or playing Feeding Frenzy. I even searched the internet for cracks and serial numbers, so I could convert the trial version to full. But I was unsuccessful, I got a lot of serials but they won’t work, and on top of that, my laptop contracted a virus which I still haven’t fixed. Badtrip.

On a happier note, Dimple, Mitzi and I went shopping yesterday. Mitzi did the real shopping, Dimple a little shopping, and me window shopping. Hehe. I didn’t bring money to shop, because I still haven’t planned on what to buy, and if I go to a shopping mall with nothing in mind and something in my wallet, I end up buying unnecessary stuff. I just brought enough money for food, and we ate at Chef d’ Angelo. Man, we ate a lot. Gluttony to the nth power:

Chicken Al Pesto
Chicken Fettucini
3 pc Big Bird (er, that’s how they call their fried chicken, just in case you get any crazy ideas. Haha!)
Pepperoni Pizza

Sarap. :) Nakakakain na ko sa Chef d’ Angelo, tao na ko. Wehehehe.

Oh yeah, before that, we dropped by Chocolate Lovers. Grabe, bakers' heaven. I want an oven for Christmas please.

Window shopping made me want to hit myself more for not saving money. I saw a lot of stuff I really want to have. Maria Mena’s cd is also out, and I immediately texted Joan when I saw it. That girl influenced me to like Maria Mena. :) I also want the Eraserheads Anthology cd, and Body Shop’s Dry Oil Mist in Olive (smells sooooo good). I’m going to have the Body Butter this Friday, because that’s what I asked for an exchange gift. Yay!

We also dropped by Starbucks, because I was begging Dimple and Mitzi to buy Fraps with me, so I can have more stickers on my card. I reallllly want that planner. I only have 4 stickers, and I still have a loooong way to go. I already decided not to try to get it, but when Ado gave me the card with one sticker on it, I thought that was a sign. So here I am, thinking day and night how I can get that planner.

For those of you planning to buy Starbucks coffee, and not interested in getting the planner, please inform me. I would very much like your stickers creditted on my card. Hehehe.

2 weeks until my 22nd birthday. Looks like I’m going to spend my Christmas without the men I love. The first is my tatay (he’ll be in Hong Kong), the second is the guy who always thinks I don’t love him. Hay.

Okay, this is too long. My New Year’s Resolution: shorter entries. Hehe For those of you who finished reading this, congratulations.

Oh, I slipped back to my old layout (as if it would go unnoticed). The layout I made was ugly, and it gave me a lot of nonfunctional stuff. I'm going to start working on a new one next week, hopefully, it'll come out the way I really really want it.

Lapit na Christmas vacation! Weee!!

Bye all!:)

labcon shit

epinephrine is a sympathomimetic agent, therefore, it increases the heart rate.

adelfa contains oleandrin which is a cardiac glycoside. glycosides are used in congestive heart failure. they inhibit the Na-K-ATPase pump, resulting to increased intracellular Na, and consequently, increased intracellular Ca. this results to enhanced myocardial contractility. glycosides in short, produce positive inotropy and negative chronotropy.

chronotropy = heart rate.

administration of epinephrine didn't produce a significant change in the cardiac activity of the turtle. administration of adelfa increased the heart rate, and decreased the force of contraction.

???

effect of adelfa containing glycosides -> positive inotropy, negative chronotropy

experimental result of adelfa administration -> negative inotropy, positive chronotropy

old trans -> adelfa is more effective than epinephrine in increasing heart rate and contractility

old trans = discussed in class last year = correct.

our present result = opposite of expected = because ???????????????????????

can't understand?

toxic?

i've been figuring this out since yesterday morning.

i started the powerpoint yesterday. i still haven't finished it.

my hypothesis: the dose of the adelfa was toxic.

sana si Dr. Tan ang facilitator tom sa labcon. para pwede sindakin. hehe

wish me luck.

blah blah

why are there plastik people?

bakit may yumayabang pag nakarating na sa states?

photoshop and html codes last week. powerpoint today. lab con on monday. argh.

what is it with men and basketball? last night my father was in a very good mood. laughing and making jokes about judy ann santos in krystala. and then ginebra lost the game. hell followed.

i just realized i am a left-handed driver. i drive most of the time with only my left hand on the steering wheel.

when you write something in your blog that you think is too personal, someone would say you're sensationalizing and you want your readers to sympathize with you. don't write about it, and that someone would think you're not affected by the situation at all. what the hell am i supposed to do?

inappropriate affect: people think i'm fine. they see me happy and joking around. they don't see the pain in my heart.

people who eat ampalaya amaze me. i don't know how they do it.

guilt: praying for the typhoon to come so classes would be suspended because i don't want to fail the quizzes i didn't study for. then realizing about the people praying for the typhoon not to come because they don't want to lose their homes and their lives.

let's all pray for the victims of they typhoon winnie. and thank God for sierra madre that somehow destroyed yoyong's plan of claiming more Filipino lives.

darn

After spending the whole day yesterday with my eyes practically glued to the computer screen and trying to decipher every single html code in my template, I view my blog today and find out that the stuff on the right side is not showing. Darn darn darn. Or is blogspot just down?

Jeez. A whole day and it still didn't come out the way I wanted it. So I guess that means this new layout is still a work in progress. If the right hand stuff shows up, you're gonna see that the links are not perfectly aligned in the center of the sidebar. I guess working on the new layout would have taken me a shorter time if I wasn't an OC with margins! I want every single padding, margin, and border perfect. But wanting to make it perfect didn't make it perfect at all. Not even close. Darn.

Aside from being OC with those darn pixels, maybe you'd also notice that I am a little obssessed with hands. Haha. My previous profile pic was an animation with the effect of my hand blocking a camera. Now my header image has an animation with the similar effect, with a hand shoving the id to your screen (well the animation is slow to achieve that effect). And if you look closely at the id, what's in the background? A hand, again. Harhar.

Oh, that's my hand by the way. I scanned it, photoshopped it, and practically put it everywhere in this blog.

A weekend is not enough for me. Hehe.

Still a work in progress. Will be working on a new layout this coming Christmas break. Haayyy.

I'm off to study now. Clin path and Micro exams tomorrow. And it's raining outside! Kakatamad tuloy. Sarap matulog nalang...

Okay, aloha!

waiting

If she's not asleep, she's probably reading my letter right now.

I said all the things I wanted to say in that letter. I was 100% honest. I'm worried it might make her angry again.

I hope not.

I hope she understands my purpose, my intention. And it's not to hurt her.

I'm still waiting for a response from her. A text message perhaps.

Argh. The agony of waiting...

I'm tired. I slept only for 4 hours last night because I made that letter.

Random thought: I want the Starbucks 2005 planner. Yeah nakiki-uso. Haha. Would somebody help me collect the stickers? :)

Oh, wish list update: No. 14. A miracle.

second chance

I don’t know if you guys noticed, but we’re (she was seated with us again during the p.m. classes) kinda okay. We went to Teriyaki Boy for lunch, because we wanted to talk somewhere distant from the school to avoid being talked about by other people when they see us with her. I ate Gyu-Yakiniku Don instead of the usual Tendon because I wanted to try the other items on the menu. It was rice with sliced beef with Teriyaki sauce and egg on top. I wish I just stuck with the usual. The beef was good, but the sauce mixed with the rice was too nakakasuya.

Enough with the food, I thought we were going to talk. But we didn’t, and I guess we were all sorta content with the situation of not having to talk about the topic that would surely bring up tension between us. I was surprised when she started handing out little yellow notes with a golden key attached to it. I was trying to look away, and I was half-expecting that she would also give me one. The other half I was expecting her not to give me one, because the story between the two of us was a little different and a lot complicated.

I received one.

When we came back to school, I went inside one of the cubicles in the CR and read it. I cried. Well, not really the cry I’ve done a lot during those times that we had the fight, but still, I cried. She mentioned about those things that we used to do when we were still together in one condo and sharing the same room: the conversations with Tata, the DVDs, window shopping, ghost hunting, the weekly groceries, and our Bulacan adventure when she went to Bulacan for my sister’s 18th birthday.

I was just teary-eyed when I read those. What made me cry was when I read this:

I’m sorry for everything.

All those words I said, about not being able to forgive her, about our friendship being forever broken… all those went away when I read that sorry.

Before today, I was really, really decided on being happy with the current situation. I was content with us being civil towards each other. I didn’t want to talk to her anymore, honestly, because I was sure all the anger and the pain we both felt before would surface. Even the thought of forgiving her was too much for me, after everything that happened.

But when she handed me a note with Sorry on it, that changed. She apologized to me, and I know it’s sincere, because though we haven’t talked, and cleared things up (which means there’s still the possibility that she believes I have done something wrong to her), she apologized to me.

I’m going to write her a letter after I post this entry.

Looks like this friendship has a chance after all…

Wow. Great feeling, I tell you.

wish list

Thanksssss Gingi!!! :) love the brownies. Hell, I ate a lot. If the box had a brownie counter, my name would have topped the list. Heehee! Thanks to Mabs too! :)

So yesterday after I ate a million brownies at Redg’s, Dimple and I headed to SM North Edsa. We originally planned to watch a movie (The Incredibles or Santa Santita because they were the most talked-about films), but it was already a little late. So we just checked for potential exchange gifts. I've decided on what I would like to have for an exchange gift: Body Shop’s Olive Body Butter. I’ve been lusting on that product for, I don’t know. 4, 5 years? I bought Body Butter before but I bought the wrong one because it was too greasy. Turned out I bought the one for very dry skin. Oh, I also want the Olive Dry Oil Mist! Smells sooo good! Just too expensive. I wanted to have a Winnie the Pooh carpet, but I changed my mind. I’d look for a black and white carpet muna. Okay, here’s my wish list:

1. My own room – seriously! I wanna have my own room at home! And its theme would be black and white!
2. a Yorkie!
3. cd-writer
4. a carpet
5. Body Shop Body Butter (Olive)
6. Body Shop Dry Oil Mist (Olive)
7. new pair of Birks
8. an aircon!
9. Body Shop Lip and Cheek Tint (I lost mine in school :( )or Benetint
10. LOTR DVDs
11. new eyeglasses (or contacts? Eeek. Scary.)
12. trip to Hong Kong (whaaa! Sana may magback-out para makasama kami!)

I’m going to update this next time. Haha. I want too many things. :)

Oh, number 13 on my wish list: No classes tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s a declared holiday- Transport holiday. I guess that means public vehicles will be scarce tomorrow. But whatever that is, it’s a holiday! There should be no classes! But guess what? We have classes. What’s more annoying is that, the Microbiology quiz will still be given tomorrow, but those who can’t make it to school will be excused.

Eh?

Enlighten me.

What the hell is that?

saturday thoughts

I was supposed to go with Tatay to Cavite, to visit my Tito Boy. But 2 consecutive nights of squeezing my brain to study for Pathology and Pharmacology (among other things) completely knocked me out when I got home. I guess my tatay witnessed how sleep-deprived I was that he didn't wake me up even before he left. I woke up at 9-ish, and he was gone. Although I was able to talk to Tito Boy because tatay called. He's not feeling well too. Jeez, another addition to the list of sick relatives. Seriously, what is happening to the family?

Oh yeah, my Tito Rey arrived last Monday from the United States. He was with his eldest daughter Denise, and my Lolo Larry. Haven't seen them yet, but my relatives told me Tito Rey still looked better than what was expected. I mean, he wasn't in a wheelchair or anything. He's yellow all over, and lost weight, but still good. His wife Tita Ninia and youngest daughter Rienne are set to come home this first week of December. They're spending Christmas here. I'm excited! It's been a long time since I've seen a happy Mendoza christmas. I bet everyone's gonna be present. I kinda missed those days when I was young. How occasions like Christmas, New Year brought happy family reunions and I see all my cousins, Titos and Titas having a wonderful time. My heart is closer to the Mendoza family than to the Sulit family. Haha. I don't know why. I've been like this even when I was still small. Haha. Am I bad?

Now on Monday, it's fiesta here in our barangay. Kainis, there are classes and I've got two exams on Monday, so I can't absent myself. My tatay just told me to bring some food on Monday and celebrate fiesta with my friends. Angie's cooking pot roast and menudo, Tita Bonita's going to make leche flan, and my Nanay Dely's coming to bring some more food. It's raining now, I wish on the day of the fiesta wag umulan para masaya. :)

Christmas is soooo near!!! Woohoo! Despite the financial problems, I still see a lot of decorations and I still feel Christmas! wee!

I want:

Saw this on the internet. Hehe. I don't know what's so special about Havaianas but I think this one's pretty.

Someone please give me a puppy please! Yorkies!!!! or Shih-tzu! They're too expensive, kaya hingi nalang. Haha! Dimplet, kumusta si Bridget? (hint, hint!)

Pay no attention to the Happy Halloween, the Yorkie's smiling!

Never mind the Havaianas, just thought it was cute. I want a Yorkie!!!! Somebody, please? It's Chrismas, and it's my birthday!!! :P

*EDIT* Cha!!! I got the perfume na! Thanks a lot!!! Mwah! Hope next time kayo na ni Che ang makauwi naman! :)

blogs - the next friendster?

Yeah. Joan and I were chatting online just a few nights ago, and we both confessed on how we're losing some interest in blogging. Well, not really. But there definitely was some reduction in my interest. It was like, "parang friendster: nakakasawa pala pag marami na". And blogger is really getting sloooowwww lately.

I'm not bragging or anything, that I'm one of those firsts in this thing, because I am not. I started blogging only last March, and blogs have been around for a long time already. I even thought this thing was for nerdy people, so I kept mum about my being a blogger for quite a while, until I found out I have classmates who were blogging as well. :) I even convinced my friends to start blogging as well, because I wanted them to experience how something so "nerdy" could be so great.

Now it's like becoming the next friendster. I was even more surprised to see in a magazine about Globe and Smart's blogs. I can't imagine globe offering a decent service without causing too much hassle and earning major bucks (haha I sound so anti-Globe. But my cellphone line's still globe. My father's asked me to have it terminated but my number's too "pretty" (easy memorization, dude) to give up. :P)

Okay I have nothing against those who are signing up for their blogs. This is a free country, and everyone's entitled to having their own blogs. That's okay, just as long as you're a decent blogger who doesn't use blogging as a way of picking on others who are blogging in peace. I've seen a lot of blogs where people leave nasty comments just because they get a kick out of annoying others. Now that sucks big time.

I hope I don't get nasty comments because of this entry. Haha.

But am not gonna stop blogging. Wouldn't want to stop my therapy. :)

Belated Happy Monthsary to my dear Bryan. Wow. 4 years and 5 months. :)
He's jealous of my blog, would you believe?

Hon, I love blogging, but I love you more.

super-size me

I saw this film last week, and it made me even more scared of consulting a doctor and getting a complete blood count.

Haha. Isn't it ironic? I'm studying medicine and yet I'm scared of going to a doc?

Yeah. You know what they say, "The worst patients are doctors." I guess future doctors (like me, hopefully) also included.

It sucks that after freshman year, Biochem, Physio, and Anatomy has made me very much aware of the effects of the food I am eating, and what could possibly show in the results of my CBC. Mr. Super-size Me Guy ate fastfood for only 30 days, and the numbers on his CBC are pretty... scary. Pano pa kaya ako? I've been eating fastfood almost everyday since 1st year college!

Problem is, despite knowledge of the possible effects of my eating habits, my stomach refuses to follow my mind.

But, good thing Super-size Me has at least taken my fastfood cravings away.

That's a good start, right? :)

Funny, just today, I ate A LOT. I ate like there's no tomorrow.

Behold cami, the food goddess!

After school, i ate:

6 pieces squidballs
cinnamon roll
ensaymada
2 superbawang (those mini packs of chichacorn)
rice and sinampalukang manok

All were eaten in a span of 2 hours.

Great job, Cami.

Oh crap.

P.S.

Belated Happy Birthday, Gingi!
mwah!!!

do that friendster thing

I'm bored.

1. Name : Niña Kristine Mendoza Sulit
2. Were you named after anyone? nope
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes, but only when there’s only one star in the sky.
4. Which finger is your favorite? Huh? Hehe hmm.. hintuturo? I don’t know.. guess it’s the most versatile? The thumb’s too short…
5. When did you last cry?: nung Days
6. Do you like your handwriting? : other people admire my handwriting (hehe vain!) but I think it’s still panget most of the time. Hehe may araw na maganda ang tingin ko sa sulat ko…
7. Any bad habits? : nagbubunot buhok when I’m thinking or studying
9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?: I rarely buy cds. I think I only have 2 original albums, craig david and boyzone. No, I am not embarrassed with having a boyzone cd. I used to be a great fan!
10. If you were another person, would you be friends WITH you? : haha I don’t know. People always tell me nakakatakot ako lapitan because I look masungit J
11. Are you a daredevil? : hmm medyo? I love the space shuttle and anchor’s away at ek. And I wanna try bungee-jumping and mountainclimbing and breakdancing.. hahaha pag pumayat ulit. But when it comes to trying out weird food, no way. I’m out.
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? : yes, because it was needed to save the situation
13. Do looks matter? : nope. It’s not like relationships are all about admiring your partner’s face..
14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: yeah but can’t remember the word anymore… but I remembered saying the word wrong, “nakakasukasok” instead of “nakakasulasok” and my classmate laughed and said, “ano yun, suka na pumasok ulit?”
15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? : sabi nila eh.. I wish rainbows stayed long enough for me to reach its end and find out..
16. Do fish have feelings?: Finding Nemo convinced me that they do..
17. Are you trendy?: no. my body won’t allow me to be.
18. How do you release anger?: I cry. I don’t throw things or punch pillows or people. I just cry.
19.Where are your second homes?: Tita Bonita’s house
20.What was your favorite toy as a child ?: I don’t remember.. but I still keep my childhood toys. I remember when our maid was going to throw all the old toys away because they were very dirty, but I stopped her because I was actually “naaawa” sa toys. Yep, naaawa ako sa mga bagay na matagal na samin and itatapon. Weird.
21. What class in school do you think is totally useless? : art appreciation?
23.Have you ever been on radio or television?: when I was young. Yung nag-field trip sa eat bulaga tapos dadaanan ka nung camera pag pinakita audience clapping? Hahaha!
25. Do you have a journal?: online only. Used to have one when I was in the 5th grade but got tamad writing. Masakit sa kamay.
26.Do you use sarcasm a lot?: yes. Haha! But you’d know when I’m being sarcastic.
27.Have you ever been in a mosh pit?: hell no
28.What do you look for in a guy/girl?: humor, brains, and a great attitude. Well basta mahal ko.
29. What are your nicknames?: nañi, sulit, cami, cams
30. Would you bungee?: yeah yeah yeah pag pumayat ako! I’ve been wanting to try that simula pa nung elem
31. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: haha oo nga no? no, I don’t.
32. What are you worried about right now?: my ill relatives, my studies, my health (I’ve been experiencing dyspnea recently), my tatay’s problems
34. Do you think that you are strong?: I guess… sa dami ba naman ng pinagdaanan ko eh..
35. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?: selecta double dutch. No, I don’t like double dutch pag di selecta. Sorry ha di pa ko nakatikim nung haagen dazs. Poor eh.
36. What are your favorite colours?: black. And violet.
37. What is your least fav. thing in the world?: hmm.. anything that does harm?
38. How many wisdom teeth do you have?: 4. one’s impacted I think. I have to have it removed soon before it kills me… whaaa!
39. Are you in love with anyone?: yes.. hi bryan..
40. How many people have a crush on you right now?: does bryan count? If he does, one. If he doesn’t, zero.
42. Who do you miss most right now?: bryan..

Numbering's wrong. Haha. Yeah I'm bored.

2000 ford expedition warning

I was bloghopping yesterday when I found this about ford expeditions.

Don't just say "it's only in America anyway". Click here to read about the same thing happening here in the Philippines.

Eeeek. Katakot naman.

guilty pleasure

I did something wrong today. I felt guilty, but I also felt so good. :)

I accidentally found my sister’s diary.

I read it. Eeeek.

Yeah it’s wrong, but I was just curious on what my sister wrote on it. Crushes maybe? Or if she secretly has a boyfriend. Haha. Well because I was about her age when Bryan became my boyfriend. Okay, I was younger. I was 6 months away from my 18th birthday.

I found nothing written on it about any guy (to my disappointment hehe), and it turned out my sister wrote on it just right after her debut celebration. I didn’t read her whole entry completely, but as I was scanning it, I saw my name. What’s written:

"Yung ate ko, mahal na mahal ko yun sobra! Di nga lang siguro gaano naipapakita pero mahal ko yun."

Awww.

My sister knows the worst side of me. How really mataray, suplada, masungit, mapang-asar I am. We fight a lot, but we know we have a special bond between us like no other.

I love her to bits.

.....I am a toughie, but a softie inside.

Yeah I guess if you have really painstakingly read all my looooong entries, you probably have figured what a schmaltzy sucker I am. :)

Oh yeah, I'm not gonna do that again. It's my first time doing that.

Christmas, The Stepford Wives, Med Books and Rainbows

I am becoming a negligent blogger. I know, I know. I’m not even busy. But that’s about to change. I’ll be back to my old blogging ways I promise.

Christmas na, Christmas na,
Ang saya-saya

Weeee!!! My favorite month of the year! Aside from the fact that it’s Christmas, it’s my birthday too! Hehe. Pathetic plugging.

Don’t you guys just love Christmas? Try going to the mall. Even if you don’t have money to buy something, you feel happy just being there checking Christmas decors and Christmas cards, hearing Christmas songs everywhere, and watching people busily buying Christmas gifts?

Aminin, kahit wala ka pera, masaya db? But of course, mas masaya kung may pera. Hehe

Really, sana araw-araw Pasko. Not just because of the gifts (although they’re a plus), but because of the feeling of happiness in the air when it’s Christmas season.

The Stepford Wives - Ahaha. Not your typical Nicole Kidman movie. You’d be surprised what this movie’s all about.

I am planning to sell in Recto 5 of my medical books I used last year. I hate to do it, but well I’m not using them anymore and I have to raise some money for the books I need to buy this semester.

Baby Adams = P612
Pocket Pedia = 350

Mura db? Baby lang para mura.

Harrison’s Internal Medicine = P4,895. Argh. Why do med books have to be soooo expensive? Nicky says this is an important book because it’s the bible of Medicine.

Mag-garage sale kaya ako? Shucks… ano naman kaya ibebenta ko?

Took this picture last Friday when I was in Bulacan.

Yep, two rainbows. Amazing huh?

On L*ve, S*x and M*rriage

So I was about to post a new entry last Saturday about what I’ve seen from the show Y Speak. My, my. Before, the usual topics concerning sex were either of two things: 1) whether pre-marital sex is acceptable or not, or 2) whether virginity matters or not anymore.

But the issue last Saturday was…. which should come first, love or sex. Yes, sex ba muna bago love, or love muna bago sex.

Shocked? Me too. What’s more shocking was that there were actually guests there and members of the audience who were brave enough to have their faces seen on national television, who actually believed that sex should come first before love. I mean, they believed in it so much that they went there to insist that they’re correct.

The guests who were pro-sex-before-love:

1. Justin Cuyugan – I think he believed more on the other argument. He didn’t speak much, and well, he’s a guy. His explanation for believing that sex should come first before love boils down to the fact that it’s a bonus for a guy to have sex with someone, no strings attached. They love sex, don’t they?

2. Jam – I forgot her last name, but she’s a courtside newscaster during basketball games on Studio 23. This girl was different. She even won the “Babaeng Palaban” award because of the way she actually defended her belief. I think she got really pikon with Christian Vasquez. She believes that sex should come first before love, but there is a transition as she calls it. Uh, does that mean you have sex with a guy without a commitment whatsoever, and you have sex with him and hope that develops into love? Well what if it doesn’t? She also upholds that a woman should first live-in with her partner before they get married.

3. Some member of “The Bodies” – uh, don’t have much to say about her opinion. Just think of how a nymphomaniac would reply when asked about this issue. Hehe. It was apparent that it’s okay to have sex with someone she doesn’t love because, sex is sex, and she enjoys it. Oh, one thing she said that cracked me up: “Mauna na muna ang sex bago love para pag di kayo nagkatuluyan, mas hindi masakit db?” Ehhh?

4. Criselda Volks – Hahaha. Read: “You can never get to know someone unless you actually have sex with him.” Wtf? What was she thinking? Bahala na kayo…

Another thing, one of their utmost points was that couples should be sexually compatible in order for the relationship to last. That there are couples who are very much in love, only to find out when they sleep together that they are not sexually compatible, then comes the reason for separation.

On the other hand, the guests who believed that love should come first before sex were Dimples Romana, Mel Soriano, some UP student, and Christian Vasquez. I was pretty surprised that Christian Vasquez belonged to this group, I mean, with his reputation and all in showbiz, being sexy and all that.

Okay, here’s my opinion on this topic, added with the opinions of the pro-love-before-sex guests.

1. If sex comes first before love, what makes us any different from animals?

2. Trial-and-error should not be applied with sex. Love is very hard to find. What if you were destined to meet your soulmate 10 years from now, and he’s from another country? Ahehe. You think of the scenario nalang.

3. Love should come first before sex, thus the term “making love”.

4. Sex is not a tool for finding love. It is a sacred act for procreation.

5. Sexual compatibility is not a guarantee that a relationship will last forever. Relationships are based on love, trust, understanding etc. etc., and not sex. When you get old and you can’t have sex anymore with your partner, love is the thing that will keep you together.

6. If you have sex with someone you don’t love, and you get pregnant, you only have two choices: 1) get married though you don’t love the guy, 2) raise the child on your own if marriage is not possible. Either way, kawawa yung bata.
7. If you’re a girl, I think you know that you’re lugi when sex comes first before love. And there’s always the risk of getting pregnant.

8. The pro-sex-before-love says these are the ideal ways of viewing love and sex. But in reality, the opposite happens: sex comes before love. Well it’s your choice whether to follow what most people are doing or not, right?

For me, marriage muna.

Call me santa santita or what, but that’s what I believe in. I have nothing against those other people having pre-marital sex, it’s their way of expressing their love. (But total ngek-ngek for those people having sex without love). It’s the best gift I can give to my future husband, because I saved myself for him, and it’s his best gift for me, because he waited and respected my decision.

Oh yeah, Criselda Volks quoted “It’s just a piece of paper” (marriage).

I am not yet married, and I am years away from being married. But I do want to get married someday.

I believe that when you get married to someone, it signifies how much you love that person that you are ready to give yourself to him and only him, that you are ready to face the challenges of married life, that you are willing to take the risk because there’s no guarantee that your marriage will be successful. It means that you are ready to have a family of your own, that you don’t think of yourself only anymore. I believe that marriage is the greatest way of professing your love to your partner because you choose to spend the rest of your life with him. And it’s great knowing that your partner also marries you for the exact same reasons you have. That he’s also just as willing to take the risk of getting married though there’s no guarantee that the relationship will last forever.

Oh, to make that even clearer, I am posting some words I got from Mon's blog, which were said by the husband of his friend’s sister’s.

when i proposed to mai, i was frequently asked these three questions: are you sure?, how do you know? and are you nervous?. i answer the first two questions with this. you can never be too sure or too certain about marrying someone. but you can always have faith, and i think some things are best left to faith. faith in that you made the right choice. faith in that things will last forever. and maybe even longer. but most of all, there should be faith in the person you married. she is there, just as unsure as you, but just as faithful. have faith in love uniting two souls.for the third question, my answer is no, i haven't been nervous for the past six months (of the engagement). while it is true that this is the hardest and scariest decision a guy can make, it should very well be the easiest also. knowing that i love her is reason enough to commit my life to her.

Sweet, huh?

Now, is it just a piece of paper?

I am the cleaning guru

Yes, I am the cleaning guru. Haha.

I finally mustered enough industry yesterday to clean up my room. After a month of living like the word order didn’t exist, my room is now squeaky-clean. Harhar.. Yep, I meticulously sweeped the floor, arranged the clothes in my cabinet, as well as all my books and hand-outs (hardest task, I tell you), wiped the windows, mirror, cabinets, chairs, table, doors and walls with a wet washcloth followed by a dry cloth, and repositioned the bed. I also planned on waxing the floor, but finding myself still waist-deep in old transcriptions, I changed my mind. The floor is still too shiny for waxing anyway. That’s rationalization for you! Hehe

My room has now much more space, which is good because I have now a space where I can just vegge-out (not sure about the spelling though). Vegge-out = be still like a vegetable, lay like broccoli. Word courtesy of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. :)

I need a few more decorating bits and pieces to complete the look I want, and a carpet tops the list. No, not a carpet carpet. A Winnie the Pooh carpet. It’s much cheaper, and.. what else? I love Pooh. :) I originally wanted to have a corner with an Oriental look, but I decided to do away with it because I couldn’t find a store that sells my much-wanted triangle pillow thai cushion. Any of you know where I can get one? I’d still buy one if it’s sold here in the Philippines..

To make my cleaning skills seem more dramatic, I’ve decided to post pictures of my room before and after I cleaned it, ala reality show. Think “How clean is your house?”

Before

After

Before

After

My bed's new position: by the window. Thanks for the kind words kanina Gingi... Manakot ba??! hehe :P

My vegge-out stuff! My big, black bean bag, and yes, that's a beach chair. Masarap upuan eh. Right, Mitzi? :) I still have to arrange this though. This is my future vegge-out spot. :)

O db, O.A.? Hehe. Okay my room is nothing worth of your “Ooohs” and “Aaahs”. But I’m just excited about it because like I said, it’s my first time to have a room of my own. And I am proud of myself because I was able to clean it! Weeee!!! I mean, how many of you look forward to cleaning up a messy room?

Next stop, my laptop. I believe this is harder to clean than my room..

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

True.

My friend told me that you-know-who said that the anger she feels towards us exists no more. I couldn’t believe what she said, so I asked her to confirm it. And my friend sent me a text message last night saying that yes, I am no exception. Wala na rin syang galit sakin.

I couldn’t believe it. After the kind of fury that she showed me, I couldn’t believe that she would be able to do that. To actually feel no anger towards me anymore.

I didn’t know what to feel. Relief? Perhaps. I don’t know.

Did I deserve it? Maybe. To actually be forgiven for something wrong that I did is great. But to be forgiven for something that I never did, how am I supposed to feel?

Yeah I know I have my own mistakes. To be forgiven for those, that’s really really good. But to be forgiven for the one thing that started all this, which I never did in the first place…

I feel….. ?

Wait, when someone tells you she just woke up and felt no anger towards you anymore, does that mean she’s forgiven you?

No anger = forgiveness?

I don’t think so.. I think I’m wrong.

I haven’t forgiven her. I still feel angry whenever I remember all the things that happened between us. Read: only when I remember all the things that happened between us. Not all the time.

But I also want all of that to end.

When? I just don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.

But I guess I have to be. She’s here now, doing something that I never thought she would do…

She’s showing humility.

We’re set to talk, to straighten things out. But I’m scared. I’m scared that, old feelings will be back again. Malamig na ang sitwasyon, baka uminit ulit. Baka mag-away ulit. That’s what I don’t want to happen.

I’m going to have to face her.

And when I do, I hope I can tell her that five-lettered word…

Think I’m egotistical? You don’t know what I’ve been through. So don’t judge me.

It’s just sad that the best possible result would be to be in speaking terms with her again. What used to be a deep friendship will become a casual relationship now. Things will never be the same.

That’s the worst part of this.

The Patch Adams Effect

Being a medical student enrolled at St. Luke’s, I always pass by the Medical Center. The first time I went there, I couldn’t help but be awed at how beautiful the Medical Center is- looking more like a hotel than a hospital. Plus, the Operating Room visit made possible by our Surgery Clinics made me even more amazed at how beautiful a hospital St. Luke’s is.

But today, we went to Bulacan Provincial Hospital. I’ve always heard horrible stories about this hospital, how my relatives always try to avoid going there as much as they can whenever they need to be hospitalized. My Tita Bonita who gave birth there, told me about how pitiful it is to stay there.

When we arrived there, at first it was all okay. I mean, it’s a government hospital, so it’s understandable that it’s no St. Luke’s Medical Center in splendor. The wards were similar with those of the Medical Center’s, with hospital beds side by side in one room. Only, there were no curtains to separate the individual beds to give each patient some privacy, and there were ceiling fans instead of airconditioners. Also, there were no doors separating the wards from the halls of the hospital, but only a wall with a wide opening. So you can imagine how just about anyone can freely enter and exit the wards, and how someone passing by can see all of the patients inside with just one glance.

But when I saw the ICU I was talking about in the entry above, that was when I realized how pitiful government hospitals really are.

Intensive Care Unit. As far as I know, and as far as I’ve seen on TV or in the movies, it’s an area that has the most restrictions. You’re supposed to wear a gown or scrubs, a mask, a cap, booties, etc. Ok, I’m talking about the required attire inside the Operating Room, but that’s how someone is supposed to be in the ICU too right? You have to be sterile. And visitors are not allowed unless it’s absolutely necessary.

But the ICU in the Provincial Hospital was different. Way different. Had it not been for the sign made of cardboard with the letters I C U written on it, I would not have realized the area Tata Itoy’s been staying in, is the ICU. The only difference it had from the wards I described earlier, was that it had a glass door, and an airconditioner. Apart from that, nothing else. There were also no curtains, I didn’t see anyone wearing gowns or scrubs aside from the nurses checking up on the patients. There was a sign on the door that said “Bawal ang dalaw”, but, bawal nga ba? My tatay freely entered the ICU to look at Tata Itoy, and I even told him to not enter because the sign said so. But apparently, di naman bawal. Anyone could freely enter the ICU. Even the ones without business there could enter. I watched in disbelief as people coming from outside the hospital opened the doors of the ICU, and entered without caution. No one was even there to guard the ICU, and make sure that the rules were followed. Not even the nurses at the Nurses’ Station situated beside it cared. And the glass doors of the ICU- the only piece of equipment that served to separate the delicate patients from the rest of the dirty outside world- wouldn’t even close completely. Everytime someone would enter, the doors would be left ajar.

So for that time that we stayed there outside while I listened to Inang Yola and my tatay talking about Tata Itoy’s condition, I made myself useful. I closed the doors completely after someone came in or out of the ICU.

Grabe. While every patient confined at St. Luke’s Medical Center settled for the best medical service, the patients at the Provincial Hospital were content with the acceptable. Though at times, when you look at it more closely, it’s not even acceptable.

I felt guilty right there, knowing how much money I spend on my tuition fee when it can help a lot of people there with their health problems. I remembered Julia Stiles in “The Prince and Me”, where her target work places were countries where medical services were most needed, instead of places where her career as a doctor would flourish.

I wish I could also sincerely think that way.

I’d be a hypocrite if I say I’d like to work there at the Provincial Hospital instead of at St. Luke’s Medical Center. I’d be plastik if I say I’ll settle for the passable standards of the Provincial Hospital instead of the first-rate principles of the Medical Center.

But there is one thing I am sincere about, no pretensions whatsoever: I want to help other people.

Yes, I still think of my own welfare, of what’s also good for me, because if not, there’s no doubt I’d work as a doctor with free services. I’m on my 2nd year as a medical student, and I still have 3 more years before I finally graduate from medschool. I still have 3 more years to finally realize how I could help other people with my chosen profession. I may not be as exceptional as Patch Adams, but I know my desire to help is just as sincere as his.

And it’s more than closing faulty ICU doors.

A Special Request

This morning I got to talk to my Tita Ninia, the wife of my Tito Rey, who I’ve told about in a recent entry- my uncle with liver cancer. I avoided talking to my Tito Rey though he was also there with my Tita, just because I didn’t know what to tell him, what to say to him, how to make him feel better, knowing his present condition. Stupid huh?

So then my Tita Ninia told me that aside from his husband battling cancer, her father is also now in the hospital because he got a stroke about 4 days ago. His condition is so bad now, that she told me her other relatives are “naghihintay nalang” for that time. So I immediately sent my tatay a text message about Tata Itoy’s condition (my Tita Ninia’s father), and suggested that he visit him in the hospital before he comes home.

Oh dear. I can’t imagine what my Tita Ninia now is going through. First, her husband- my Tito Rey. And now, her father. When I lost my mother to cancer, there was no way I could describe how difficult and painful it was for me and for my sister to lose a mother, and for my tatay to lose a wife. But my Tita Ninia, both her husband and her father are dying.

This afternoon we went to the Bulacan Provincial Hospital to visit Tata Itoy.

So when we arrived there, we didn’t know what room he was in. All we knew was that he was in the Provincial Hospital. We only knew his last name, which we asked from the Information area, but we had to look for him by ourselves because there were a lot of patients with the same last name as Tata Itoy’s. We searched for the wards but we were unsuccessful, and as my tatay was inquiring at the Nurses’ Station, I happened to be standing outside the ICU. I took a peek, and saw a man lying in the nearest bed, with a lot of tubes connected to his body- 3 bags of dextrose (I don’t know if they were all dextrose), a naso-gastric tube, and one for his oxygen support. The man’s condition was pitiable, and after a few seconds, I finally realized that the man I was looking at was Tata Itoy himself.

A few minutes later, Inang Yola- Tata Itoy’s wife- arrived. When my tatay asked her what had happened to Tata Itoy, she burst out crying. God, when she started crying, my eyes also welled up with tears. I tried hard to control myself from crying. Yeah, I barely know Tata Itoy, but seeing someone crying because of a loved-one suffering was enough to move me to tears. I know how it feels. I know how difficult it is to see someone you love suffer, and yet you can’t do anything to help him/her.

After a few minutes, Inang Yola calmed down and she was able to tell us more clearly about Tata Itoy’s condition. His CT scan result showed a ruptured artery at the back of his head (don’t know my Neuroanatomy anymore). Also, he has GI bleeding, and other complications. While my Tatay and Inang Yola were talking, I watched Tata Itoy through the glass door of the ICU. There was one moment when he was coughing, and I could see that it hurts him when he coughs. His right hand reached up for his nasogastric tube, as if he wanted it removed, only his daughter who was beside him stopped him from doing so. I don’t know, but when I saw that action, I thought maybe he wants his suffering to end.

The doctors told Inang Yola that Tata Itoy’s prognosis is bad. Inang Yola said that she has readied herself for the worst that may happen. Although the doctors have given up on her husband, they still decided for him to stay at the hospital. They want his suffering to end too, but they can’t take him home and also give up on him because it would be like they let him die. They’re still hoping.

Because when a loved-one is fighting for his life, you join him and fight for him too until the end, right?

Everyone who gets to finish reading this entry, please help me pray for all my ill relatives, as well as for my Tita Ninia. She is trying to be strong, because that’s the best thing that she can do right now, but I know this is very difficult for her to go through. Her family is planning to come home to the Philippines this November, but they’re still working on it. You know how it is in the United States- lots of things to settle before you can leave. Plus, tickets aren’t cheap, so there’s also the problem of money. But she told me lots of their friends there are helping out, and I really wish they could come home soon, as her mother also wishes, so she and her father can see each other before it’s too late.

Please, help us pray for them. Thank you.

Happy

Happy sha la la
it's so nice to be happy

Know that song, right?

Well I'm happy. :)

Finally.

I've been low-spirited the past couple of days, and it's time for me to finally lighten up a bit. Yeah well there's still the problem of sick relatives... but, I asked Mr. Jim Paredes and his blog readers for prayers and it feels great to know other people are praying for a miracle for your relative too. He's a great man, and his being great is way beyond his being an APO. Read his blog and you'll know what I'm talking about. :)

Okay, moving on...

So I'm happy. Yep. Been spending two whole days with Bryan, and I'm gonna seem him again later. :) Oh, I also finally bought the bean bag I've been lusting on since the start of the recently-ended semester. The owner of the condominium I used to live in has this huge bean bag, and I've been wanting to have the same thing. So last Monday, Bryan and I went to Dimensione and finally bought the bean bag. It's larger than the one I wanted originally I think, and it's black-my fave color! Weeee!!!

What else? Hmm.. We were supposed to go to Clark today, to submit something so we can get out passports, but it's Angie's enrollment so Tatay had to postpone it. Why passports? Tita Edna and Tito Philip (family friends) have decided to treat a couple of their friends to Hong Kong this Christmas. Yes, Hong Kong, treat. All expenses paid. Unfair! Di kami kasama. Anyways, we're getting a passport just in case some friends decide to back out. Everything has been reserved so if someone backs out, another has to fill in the spot because it's all been paid for. I wish someone backs out. Haha. I'm bad.. I mean, it's Christmas time (yep, their scheduled on December 25-27) and most of them have very young kids. So, you know... di pwedeng iwanan... Haha. Jeez. I sound so desperate... I've never even been on an airplane.. the farthest I've been to so far is Baguio (North) and Lucena (South). Pathetic..

Whaaa. Sabi ko Happy ako eh. Hay.

Okay, here's just the pic of me and my new bean bag. Just imagine how huge that is for you to still see a part of it despite my body. Hehe.

Who doesn't love bean bags?

That's all for now. Adios!

Happy sha la la...