Saturday, August 27, 2005

talk about diseases

I've been too busy to blog..

Okay, I've finally consulted a cardiologist, about two weeks ago. I'm kinda relieved he didn't find anything worrisome about my symptoms, and as Dr. Lazatin said, my ECG was "disgustingly normal". Hehe. But he told me that just for peace of mind, I can have a 2d-echo done because what could explain my symptoms would be mitral valve prolapse. I was right. The first time I heard about it in a lecture, I already suspected that I had it. Well I'm still trying to save money for it. I don't want to let my tatay know, because even though it's benign, he still might worry about me because there's always something worrying about when something's wrong with your body, right?

Then just two nights ago I felt a sudden RUQ pain. The first thing that came to my mind was a gallbladder stone. Eeeek! It was funny. Everytime I would pee I would take a look to see if it was already tea-colored. And while reviewing, I would look at my nails to see if I was starting to turn yellow or something. But seriously, I got scared. It was my first time to feel that pain. Good thing it's already gone now. I hope it won't come back because I'll really freak out. Haay. I guess paranoia really comes with medlife.

Last night I went to the wake of my late Lola Tinay, who passed away due to a heart disease. By the way, she's a breast cancer survivor. The only one in our clan who survived it. When I looked at her in her coffin last night, I stopped myself from crying. I'm not the least bit close to her. I only get to see her every Christmas and during some special occassions, but it's just sad because it's the 2nd death in the family just this year. I'd always remember her crying the second she sees us approaching her, because she'd remember my nanay and how she would always say my sister looked a lot like her. God bless her soul...

Sembreak, come quickly...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

this is wrong

Peace and quiet at last.

Is it just me or do people really just have those times when you just feel down for no apparent reason at all? I mean, you don’t have any real big problem, everything’s going well, and yet, you’re not happy? In fact, you’re close to feeling miserable. And this morning I went to my room and punched my pillow about a dozen times trying to push all that bad energy out of my system.

Well it didn’t work.I’m still here with that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me feeling.You feel like something’s not right. Something’s missing. You feel empty. Just…. empty.

Please tell me that I’m normal.



Since I’ve started writing this entry, might as well say some more things.

I’m planning to consult a cardiologist this Monday. Nicky has already agreed to accompany me. I think I might be having a mitral valve prolapse. I hope I’m wrong. Bleh. I don’t know. Nicky’s right. “Ito mahirap sa may alam.” You get paranoid. And you get scared of going to the doc.

I’d like to post here the history of my present illness, but I’m afraid people would notice how ineptly I write histories. Hehe. And besides, I can’t even remember when the dyspnea actually started.

Medschool’s also making me dyspneic. And tachycardic. One word: Deadlines.


My PMS (Prev Med Syndrome) is coming back.