Meet the Parents

I finally met Bryan's whole family. Yup, just this morning, at 8 am. They're attending an affair this afternoon in Manila, where his uncle would be receiving an award. He said his sister wants to meet me as well as his cousin Marlet who used to be my textmate back when Globe wasn't on a pay-per-text basis. So since they were to visit also his relatives in Malolos, they decided to pass by our house too.

So yeah, I was already up even though it was still dark. Haha. I was nervous. :P I already met his dad before, but this time I'd be meeting the whole family.

It went well. Haha. Jeez, I was face-to-face with them for only 15 minutes. Meet lang talaga. Although I looked stupid again, hiding behind Bryan because I was shy. Yep, there goes Pretzel Niña again.. tsk tsk.

Tatay also met his sister and cousin and her friend, because his parents and uncle and aunt were left in their car. I went out with Bryan to meet them, and asked them to stay even for coffee, but they were running late I guess so they had to leave agad. Well at least I got to meet them. :)

I like his Mom. :) Pero takot ako sa Dad nya. Hehe Patas lang. Bryan's scared of my tatay too. :P

When they arrived at his uncle's house in Malolos, Bryan sent me a text message. His aunt's father asked him, "Ano Bryan, mamamanhikan na ba tayo?"

Sheesh. Hehehe. But that's a good sign right? I mean, I must be okay for them to think of me as Bryan's future wife? :)

Although I don't want to get married pa. Not yet. :)

Finally!!!!!

Wahahaha!

I'm addicted. :)

Will be working on a new layout soon. Weeee!!!

Thank you Che

Every cent you give brings me a step closer to my dreams.

Thank you so much.

God's Hand

I was feeling bad since last night so I pulled out my box of letters trying to find words that would somehow comfort me. I just want to share this poem that my friend Nicky made in her letter for me for Days.

God's Hand

Sometimes we must be hurt in order to grow

We must fall in order to know

We must lose in order to gain

Some lessons are learned best only through pain

Sometimes our visions clear

Only after our eyes are washed with tears

Sometimes we have to be broken so we can be tender

Sick so we can rest and think better

On things more important than work or fun,

Trip near death so we can assess how we've run

Sometimes we have to suffer lack
So we can know God's provision

Feel another's pain

So we can have a sense of mission

So take heart, my friend, if you don't understand today

Instead of grumbling, ask God what he means to say

In order to learn you must endure

And learn to see the bigger picture

In order to grow, you must understand

Look beyond the hurt to God's loving hand

That takes what is good and gives what is best

And on this blessed though, rest

As your anxious heart, with questions, wails

God's hand only gives what His loving heart dictates.

It's a beauty. Thanks Nicky.

To all the people I have hurt, or offended, intentionally or unintentionally, I AM SORRY.

Ate Tina, I'm sorry.

To Bryan, I am sorry.

To you, know that this isn't something I wanted to happen. I have my share of faults, mistakes, stupidity, ignorance, and pride. But don't blame me for what happened. You're hurt I know. I know how it feels to be left alone by friends. But please, like what I did before, be humble enough to reach out and accept your mistakes. I know the things you said were a result of so much anger, and I would've accepted all things you said if you had a right reason to say all those. I hope you understand that I am just a person too, capable of getting hurt.

I never thought I'd say this, and this proves nothing more than I am a coward because I'm saying this in my blog, instead of telling you personally... but for the pain I have given you, the things I have said, and for my faults, I'm sorry.

I hope I'd be able to say that to you in person real soon. Yes I'm not ready. Just because I still have my pride to hinder me from doing that doesn't mean that sorry isn't heartfelt.

I hope this is the last time I cry over this.

I don't like how I feel

I just got back from the retreat. Whew. I don't know how to describe it, but somehow I've never felt so guilty in my entire life. I hope a thing like this doesn't happen again.

What is happening to me?

Lately I noticed I've been too sensitive. A few remarks here and there and I end up getting hurt. Even jokes that would have made me laugh the life out of me turn out to be hurtful comments. I don't know why.

Something is wrong with me. That's for sure.

Have I changed? I don't know. Maybe? Maybe not? I don't know.

Should I change? I think so. I know for myself that I'm not what I used to be. Something isn't right.

Why is this happening? Is this because of the friend that I lost? Maybe. She has that much effect on me.

I thought she meant nothing to me anymore. I was wrong. All the while I was trying to convince myself and others that that's how I felt. How I should feel after all that's happened between us.

There she was, I wanted to hug her right then and there. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted things to be the same as before.

But I just couldn't make myself do it. I just couldn't make myself embrace humility.

Remembering what happened. What she did. What she said. I just couldn't accept the fact that she believes she has done nothing wrong to me and that I don't deserve her apology.

I want everything to be okay. But I couldn't forget the things that happened, which makes me not want to fix things with her.

I hate the feeling.

Out of Control

We visited my Lola Tinay today, who, as I've told in the previous entry, is also in a delicate condition. I expected her to be pale and thin and all that. Aside from the fact that she was too weak to get out of bed by herself, she didn't look terrible at all, which was of course, very good. We tried our best to boost her spirits, saying that her condition was far better than my mother's before, which means it's something she couldn't handle.

What exactly do you say to a dying relative?

It was also good that we brought along my inaanak Tap-Tap, who made her laugh and feel better just by seeing him dancing his "Halukay Ube dance" and "sayaw bakla".

After an hour and a half, we decided to leave so she could rest well, and her daughter followed us outside to tell us about the truth about my lola's condition.

I thought it was her cancer that was the main problem. But we were told by her daughter secretly that it was her heart. They decided not to tell my lola, because that probably would harm her, kasi mahina loob nya. We saw her x-ray result, and I was aghast to see that the aorta was as wide as the heart itself. We were told it was because of cholesterol deposits. I never knew the aorta could be that big.

My Tito Rey's prognosis was bad, having only 4 months left to live. My Lola's was worse: she could die any minute now.

Grabe. Christmas is near, and all of a sudden, death is lurking around the corner too.

As if that's not enough, my father just told me that another Tita has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Please continue to pray for my Tito, Lola and Tita. And also those other people suffering from cancer. I hope a cure for this dreadful disease will be discovered really soon. It's so sad to know how many lives have been claimed by this disease, and how many families have suffered because of the loss of a loved one.


Tip of the Day

When you're writing a blog entry, try typing and saving it in MS Word first, then when you're done, use the cut-and-paste magic.

I just finished writing a more detailed entry of the one above here and was changing the colors of the text when I accidentally hit the wrong key. And voila! A blank window.

Nakakainis!!!!!!

So what's above is the summarized one, with less feelings.

.................................


Might not be able to update for a while. I've got exams until Tuesday, and after the last exam, go straight to Days with the Lord retreat until Thursday. Can't wait to experience Days again. I need it.

Especially now.

What can you do in 4 months?

What can you do in 4 months?

In 4 months, you can redecorate your room, you can plan an out-of-town trip with your friends, you can save money to buy new shoes, or clothes, or perfume, you can go on vacation, you can learn to play the piano, you can meet lots of new friends, you can go on a diet and lose weight, you can wait for a movie to come out in theaters, and so on and so on.

You can do a lot in 4 months. But you can't do all you want to do in just 4 months.

What if 4 months is all you have left?

Just this afternoon my father told me news about my Tito Rey. Some devastating news. His wife, my Tita Ninia, was told by the doctor that Tito Rey had only about 4 months left to live. I don't know if my Tito knows about it, but I'm sure with the pain he's feeling right now, he knows he hasn't much time left.

I didn't know what to say. How do you react to news that your uncle has only 4 months left to live?

A few minutes of a blank mind, then a sudden flooding of questions. Why him? Why does it have to be him? There are lots of people in the world with evil souls, why not them? Why cancer?

Why him?

He's a good man. He didn't commit any evil crime. He has never done any harm to anyone.

He's got a wife and two kids. Two young kids. The youngest hasn't even started school.

Although my Tito and I are not really close, it hurts to know that someone in your family is again losing the battle against cancer... I thought and honestly prayed to God that my nanay be the last person in our family to have cancer.

I guess God has other plans.

I want to believe that my Tito Rey will be fine. I want to believe that one day before that "taning" is up, he will wake up to find that he's okay. He's healed.

But being a medical student won't allow me to stick with that hope. It sucks to know what liver cancer is all about, what functions the liver has, what can happen to a person when this valuable organ fails.

For now, there's only one thing left: a miracle.

I believe in miracles. I have heard of stories of people being healed from their diseases. I have heard of people whose tumors have disappeared miraculously just as they are about to enter the operating room for the tumor's excision. I pray that God give my Tito a miracle. Because that's all we have left, that's all he has left.

Four months.

For well people like us, it's just a small piece of time in our lives. It's enough time to have fun.

But for people like my Tito Rey, it's the longest time that he can spend with his family. Para sa Tito ko, yun na ang buhay nya.

Please, help me pray for him.

*EDIT* I have another lola who also has cancer. She's had it for a long time, but now it's out of control too. My tatay just told me that from the looks of it, she hasn't much time left too. Her heart is also affected.

Everyone please help me pray for my relatives. And for our family too. That this cancer will just end...

Fahrenheit 9/11

I watched it just this afternoon. I only intended to watch just a few minutes of it, because I was trying to choose between Feng Shui, Imelda, and this one. I ended up watching the whole thing. Never mind that I preferred to watch this film instead of reviewing for the exams tomorrow.

Ganda. Galing. I'm now a fan of Michael Moore. Hehe. :P

Well it's really, really good. I cried a few times during the film.

You guys should watch it. It's really good. I mean it.

Take that compliment from someone who hates politics. :) That must mean it's brilliant, right?