mvp

So last night while reviewing for Pharma, it happened again. I was already dyspneic for an hour, then I suddenly felt again my hands going numb, and my vision turning dark, and me not being able to breathe. God, I panicked. I mean, who wouldn't panic? I couldn't breathe. When I told Dimple I'm sure she must have felt so scared too. What were we to do? Jeez. What am I supposed to do when I have that kind of attack again? Good thing when I started crying because I was so scared, the symptoms gradually disappeared. I wasn't able to study for Pharma well because of it. I was dyspneic until I fell asleep. I must've gotten tired from all the crying that I eventually fell asleep.

True enough, I was almost clueless about all the prescription questions. Thank God I got good scores the first two exams before. Then after the exam, we went to Yellow Cab for lunch, Dimple's birthday treat. Then Ice Monster after. Yum. Thanks Dimplet! Belated Happy Birthday! :)

Then after that, we went straight to Delos Santos Medical Center for my 2D-Echo result. I was right, Mitral Valve Prolapse. I had thickening of the anterior mitral valve leaflet with posterior displacement during systole. But the rest are normal, including the color-flow doppler. Whew. According to Nicky, I should really start a TLC. I'm now one of the few people in class with uncommon conditions: one has SLE, another with Pseudotumor Cerebri, one with Thrombocytopenia, and another with Ma.... hehehe. Make a guess.

Anyways, I almost forgot. This blog just turned one. Too bad I had to take down my first blog.

Sembreak's in less than two weeks! Woohoooo!!!!!!

Then at the start of next sem, we're up for the Case Con. Darn.

the sixth

It’s been 6 years since my mother died. Six years might seem like a long time already, but even now, I can’t believe it’s already been that long since I last saw my mother alive. I’ve already been used to living my life without my real mother with me, but still when I’m alone not doing anything, I remember her, and I just start crying.

I know my father’s been really good, he’s been doing everything for us, and he’s not breaking his promise to my mother that he will take good care of us. But it’s still different when you have both parents with you, instead of just one. Just think, losing a leg and having prosthesis. Although it’s functional and you can live your life normally, that leg is lost forever, you know you lost a part of you, and your life will never ever be the same.

Whenever I see children with their mothers, I just feel so envious. I’ve always thought what life would have been like if my mother was still here with me. I’d always imagine her witnessing me graduating from medical school and fulfilling my dream, getting married and having a family of my own, spoiling my kids and taking care of them just like the way she took care of me and my sister. That would have been wonderful. Suddenly, reality sinks in, and I realize it’s simply impossible.

I wish she was still here with me. I’d give anything just to see her alive again and just be able to hug her again even just once.

But then, I also think, if my mother had still been alive, would I have realized how blessed I am to have my tatay? How wonderful a father he is? Maybe that’s what God’s plan was for taking away my mother away from me early. That even if I lost one parent, there still is another one who deserves all my love and respect, who is capable of taking care of me like the way my mother did, who will still be there to witness me fulfilling my dream of becoming a doctor, getting married and having a family of my own, spoiling my kids, and yes, even arguing with the other moms whose kids start bullying mine.

Funny how God thinks of ways for us to realize how blessed we are and how grateful we should be despite our problems, don’t you think?

I know you’re happy up there with Him, Nanay, and you’re still watching over us. I miss you.

nyerks

Two weeks. I’ve been too busy and too lazy to blog.

Didn’t come home last weekend because of Days. Hayyy. It was fun, but I would’ve enjoyed it more had I not been too pooped the week before. Those times that I could’ve stayed in the prayer room and talked to Him alone, I just spent sleeping and trying to get some rest for the upcoming week. Psssh. And the issues. Oh the issues. Forgive me… They’re just inevitable sometimes. There just are some people with ugly things written all over their faces and sometimes you just can’t help but notice and read them.

I’m now taking Propranolol. Just last Friday during a discussion I suddenly just had palpitations. I was already scared at first because that was the first time I had that kind of palpitations and with that duration. Then when I tried participating in the discussion I just couldn’t breathe, and I got so scared that I felt my arms going numb. The next thing my classmates were around me and Dr. Ong was trying to feel for my pulse, and told me to go to the clinic. That was so scary, I cried. Just imagine not being able to breathe. So then I went to the clinic, and thankfully the symptoms disappeared. And I got my 2nd order to have a 2D-Echo plus a hefty serving of sermon from Dr. Velasco. Hehe. Well I still haven’t had a 2D-Echo, and I don’t think now’s the time to ask my tatay for money for it. Maybe next week.

WE. ARE. DONE. WITH PREVMED. Yahoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ecstasy. Haha. But well, now we have to prepare for Surgery Grand Rounds. My groupmates and I have been researching our asses off at the library and going back to the hospital to visit the patient and trying to extract every single detail from the mother, and begging Dr. Tan for help. Mitzi and Neil are still thinking about their PrevMed presentation, the 2nd Neil is also busy with the final paper for PrevMed, Ron and I are done with PrevMed, but Ron’s preoccupied with Student Council stuff. So I just volunteered to read the research with the most number of pages. Sure, I’d be spending the next week mastering the rectal anatomy and looking at pictures of anuses, but it’s okay, at least I’m done with PrevMed. They’ve got more important things to do. Good luck, guys. :)

People have been texting me, and I haven’t really replied to them because I’m either too busy to reply when I read their messages, or I’ve fallen asleep while typing my reply. Vida, thanks for the message and for that nice link. J Cha, thanks for the lotion and good luck with school. My sheegui friends, hope to see you all soon. Belated happy birthday to my tatay, the most wonderful dad in the whole world, and to Tap-Tap, the most pilyo inaanak I have. His mother told me this afternoon that he spent a good half a day in our house last Saturday, winking at one of my sister’s friends. Hehe. He just turned 4. To Bayi, Doc Emer and Sachi, thanks for dropping by. Will visit your blogs again soon and post some comments again. :)

I want to talk about some people right now because I’m so irritated. Really, really irritated. But I'm lazy. Maybe next time.

talk about diseases

I've been too busy to blog..

Okay, I've finally consulted a cardiologist, about two weeks ago. I'm kinda relieved he didn't find anything worrisome about my symptoms, and as Dr. Lazatin said, my ECG was "disgustingly normal". Hehe. But he told me that just for peace of mind, I can have a 2d-echo done because what could explain my symptoms would be mitral valve prolapse. I was right. The first time I heard about it in a lecture, I already suspected that I had it. Well I'm still trying to save money for it. I don't want to let my tatay know, because even though it's benign, he still might worry about me because there's always something worrying about when something's wrong with your body, right?

Then just two nights ago I felt a sudden RUQ pain. The first thing that came to my mind was a gallbladder stone. Eeeek! It was funny. Everytime I would pee I would take a look to see if it was already tea-colored. And while reviewing, I would look at my nails to see if I was starting to turn yellow or something. But seriously, I got scared. It was my first time to feel that pain. Good thing it's already gone now. I hope it won't come back because I'll really freak out. Haay. I guess paranoia really comes with medlife.

Last night I went to the wake of my late Lola Tinay, who passed away due to a heart disease. By the way, she's a breast cancer survivor. The only one in our clan who survived it. When I looked at her in her coffin last night, I stopped myself from crying. I'm not the least bit close to her. I only get to see her every Christmas and during some special occassions, but it's just sad because it's the 2nd death in the family just this year. I'd always remember her crying the second she sees us approaching her, because she'd remember my nanay and how she would always say my sister looked a lot like her. God bless her soul...

Sembreak, come quickly...

this is wrong

Peace and quiet at last.

Is it just me or do people really just have those times when you just feel down for no apparent reason at all? I mean, you don’t have any real big problem, everything’s going well, and yet, you’re not happy? In fact, you’re close to feeling miserable. And this morning I went to my room and punched my pillow about a dozen times trying to push all that bad energy out of my system.

Well it didn’t work.I’m still here with that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me feeling.You feel like something’s not right. Something’s missing. You feel empty. Just…. empty.

Please tell me that I’m normal.



Since I’ve started writing this entry, might as well say some more things.

I’m planning to consult a cardiologist this Monday. Nicky has already agreed to accompany me. I think I might be having a mitral valve prolapse. I hope I’m wrong. Bleh. I don’t know. Nicky’s right. “Ito mahirap sa may alam.” You get paranoid. And you get scared of going to the doc.

I’d like to post here the history of my present illness, but I’m afraid people would notice how ineptly I write histories. Hehe. And besides, I can’t even remember when the dyspnea actually started.

Medschool’s also making me dyspneic. And tachycardic. One word: Deadlines.

My PMS (Prev Med Syndrome) is coming back.

the world's greatest asshole

In response to one stupid prick who responded to my last post by sending me an annoyingly egotistical text message, all I can say is I really feel sorry for you, if you thought I was referring to you in that last post. It took me hours to finally realize that your message was about my previous post. Haha. Hey, I forgot you even existed. To quote someone from The Wedding Singer: "Man, that was so cold." Must have felt like shit to react to something that wasn't even meant for you anyway, huh?

So.. the theory my friends have been postulating proved to be correct after all. You know, someone accusing you of something non-stop, does so because he's the one inclined to do it. Look who's got a new one. Hahahaha. Oh, don't think I'm being bitter. In fact, I'd like to thank her for giving you the attention you so needed. You can now leave me in peace.

If it's friendship you're offering, thanks, but no thanks. I think I'd be better off without a prick in my circle of friends. Being single may not be the best thing in the whole world, but it's better than having a jackass for a boyfriend. I'm happy now with my present situation, thank you very much.

If you don't want my attention like what you're claiming, stop texting me or sending me messages through friendster or this blog. Doing the opposite would mean otherwise. You don't need a Master's degree to understand that. :)

histrionic

You won't believe what people would do just to get attention.. :)

finally, an entry

Has it been two weeks? Sheesh. I was that busy?

To all those who expressed their condolences over the death of my Piper, thanks. :)

I'm okay now. And we got a new pup. His name's Yoshi, he's a yorkie, and he's turning 4 months old next Saturday. The ears are droopy as you can see, but we're doing something about it already to help them stand, and he's quite dirty. I took this pic after he played to death with his toy ball and he refused to stay still while I tried to brush his hair. He's scared of water too. My sister and I gave him a bath last week and we suffered lots of nail scratches on our arms.

My father must have felt so sorry for me when Piper died (I cried for almost 3 days, including the whole day of Piper's death) that he bought Yoshi.

He's a little different from Piper (of course, he's from a different breed), but we love him too. And he's just about crazy about my father as Piper was.

Hmm.. what else...

1. Mitzi was diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerebri last Saturday, and thank God, she got out of the hospital without having been operated on. I'm really paranoid now because of my headaches and my extra sleepiness in class.

2. Yoshi scratched the back of my left index finger with his teeth while he was jumping around reaching for my hand. It's just a teeny bit of a scratch, but I'm going crazy. Like, could I be infected with rabies? Jeez.

3. I'm stuck with Doc Angbengco in Medicine 2. Goodbye, happy days. Hello, toxicity.

4. Lulubog na ang Pilipinas. God help us.

Two weeks passed and this is all I could come up with. Hehe. What's new?