talk about diseases

I've been too busy to blog..

Okay, I've finally consulted a cardiologist, about two weeks ago. I'm kinda relieved he didn't find anything worrisome about my symptoms, and as Dr. Lazatin said, my ECG was "disgustingly normal". Hehe. But he told me that just for peace of mind, I can have a 2d-echo done because what could explain my symptoms would be mitral valve prolapse. I was right. The first time I heard about it in a lecture, I already suspected that I had it. Well I'm still trying to save money for it. I don't want to let my tatay know, because even though it's benign, he still might worry about me because there's always something worrying about when something's wrong with your body, right?

Then just two nights ago I felt a sudden RUQ pain. The first thing that came to my mind was a gallbladder stone. Eeeek! It was funny. Everytime I would pee I would take a look to see if it was already tea-colored. And while reviewing, I would look at my nails to see if I was starting to turn yellow or something. But seriously, I got scared. It was my first time to feel that pain. Good thing it's already gone now. I hope it won't come back because I'll really freak out. Haay. I guess paranoia really comes with medlife.

Last night I went to the wake of my late Lola Tinay, who passed away due to a heart disease. By the way, she's a breast cancer survivor. The only one in our clan who survived it. When I looked at her in her coffin last night, I stopped myself from crying. I'm not the least bit close to her. I only get to see her every Christmas and during some special occassions, but it's just sad because it's the 2nd death in the family just this year. I'd always remember her crying the second she sees us approaching her, because she'd remember my nanay and how she would always say my sister looked a lot like her. God bless her soul...

Sembreak, come quickly...

this is wrong

Peace and quiet at last.

Is it just me or do people really just have those times when you just feel down for no apparent reason at all? I mean, you don’t have any real big problem, everything’s going well, and yet, you’re not happy? In fact, you’re close to feeling miserable. And this morning I went to my room and punched my pillow about a dozen times trying to push all that bad energy out of my system.

Well it didn’t work.I’m still here with that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me feeling.You feel like something’s not right. Something’s missing. You feel empty. Just…. empty.

Please tell me that I’m normal.



Since I’ve started writing this entry, might as well say some more things.

I’m planning to consult a cardiologist this Monday. Nicky has already agreed to accompany me. I think I might be having a mitral valve prolapse. I hope I’m wrong. Bleh. I don’t know. Nicky’s right. “Ito mahirap sa may alam.” You get paranoid. And you get scared of going to the doc.

I’d like to post here the history of my present illness, but I’m afraid people would notice how ineptly I write histories. Hehe. And besides, I can’t even remember when the dyspnea actually started.

Medschool’s also making me dyspneic. And tachycardic. One word: Deadlines.

My PMS (Prev Med Syndrome) is coming back.

the world's greatest asshole

In response to one stupid prick who responded to my last post by sending me an annoyingly egotistical text message, all I can say is I really feel sorry for you, if you thought I was referring to you in that last post. It took me hours to finally realize that your message was about my previous post. Haha. Hey, I forgot you even existed. To quote someone from The Wedding Singer: "Man, that was so cold." Must have felt like shit to react to something that wasn't even meant for you anyway, huh?

So.. the theory my friends have been postulating proved to be correct after all. You know, someone accusing you of something non-stop, does so because he's the one inclined to do it. Look who's got a new one. Hahahaha. Oh, don't think I'm being bitter. In fact, I'd like to thank her for giving you the attention you so needed. You can now leave me in peace.

If it's friendship you're offering, thanks, but no thanks. I think I'd be better off without a prick in my circle of friends. Being single may not be the best thing in the whole world, but it's better than having a jackass for a boyfriend. I'm happy now with my present situation, thank you very much.

If you don't want my attention like what you're claiming, stop texting me or sending me messages through friendster or this blog. Doing the opposite would mean otherwise. You don't need a Master's degree to understand that. :)

histrionic

You won't believe what people would do just to get attention.. :)

finally, an entry

Has it been two weeks? Sheesh. I was that busy?

To all those who expressed their condolences over the death of my Piper, thanks. :)

I'm okay now. And we got a new pup. His name's Yoshi, he's a yorkie, and he's turning 4 months old next Saturday. The ears are droopy as you can see, but we're doing something about it already to help them stand, and he's quite dirty. I took this pic after he played to death with his toy ball and he refused to stay still while I tried to brush his hair. He's scared of water too. My sister and I gave him a bath last week and we suffered lots of nail scratches on our arms.

My father must have felt so sorry for me when Piper died (I cried for almost 3 days, including the whole day of Piper's death) that he bought Yoshi.

He's a little different from Piper (of course, he's from a different breed), but we love him too. And he's just about crazy about my father as Piper was.

Hmm.. what else...

1. Mitzi was diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerebri last Saturday, and thank God, she got out of the hospital without having been operated on. I'm really paranoid now because of my headaches and my extra sleepiness in class.

2. Yoshi scratched the back of my left index finger with his teeth while he was jumping around reaching for my hand. It's just a teeny bit of a scratch, but I'm going crazy. Like, could I be infected with rabies? Jeez.

3. I'm stuck with Doc Angbengco in Medicine 2. Goodbye, happy days. Hello, toxicity.

4. Lulubog na ang Pilipinas. God help us.

Two weeks passed and this is all I could come up with. Hehe. What's new?

Piper at the Rainbow Bridge

I never thought losing a pet would hurt almost like losing a relative. Now I understand why shows like Rescue 911 fussed so much about pets that were in trouble.

Last Friday at 2am my puppy Piper passed away due to a corona virus infection. For nights I cried because I was so worried about her. I couldn’t help but think about the worst, knowing she was still too young and her immune system is still immature. I didn’t want to lose her. Just the thought of not seeing her again was enough to drive me to tears.

I watched that Monday afternoon as my father drove away from the house I was staying at, with Piper looking out the window. I didn’t think that was the last time I was going to see her alive.

The whole week my mind was filled with thoughts of Piper, wishing and praying hard that she recover. For three days Piper stayed at the vet clinic, with my father and the vet doing everything they can to save Piper. Piper was a strong puppy. Although very sick, she still showed signs of recovery the first few days. And then a few hours later, lay weak again. Then the next day, show again some improvement. She was fighting the illness.

But the virus was too much for Piper’s fragile body. At 2am on Friday, she went into cardiac arrest and passed away.

Nothing could describe how I felt when my father told me the news that Friday morning. I had difficulty breathing through my tears, as I talked to him on the phone, telling me how Piper was crying in pain when he left her at the clinic.

I was so devastated. I didn’t attend any of my classes any more that day, because I knew I wouldn’t stop crying. The entire ride from Quezon City to our home I was crying. She was still too young. She didn’t even make it to her 4th month birthday.

I took care of her the best way I could. I treated her like my own baby. That’s why it hurts so much to watch your puppy suffer, and not even know how to help her because you can’t ask her what’s wrong.

I cried the entire day. The house just wasn’t the same. Piper was gone. We won’t be seeing her anymore lying on the floor sleeping, looking like a rag because of her fur. We won’t be seeing her anymore shooting from across the room when we called her name. I’m going to miss the times we look for her when she’s out of sight, only to find her hiding underneath the china cabinet or the sofa, and how we had to drag her out because she wanted to stay in that corner. I’m going to miss the way she would lay on the floor on her side, and raise her hindleg up when we came near so we could rub her belly. I’m going to miss the times that she would collect every slipper in sight and put them on a pile on my beanbag. I’m going to miss the way she jumped everytime she sees her food bowl, or the way she watched me while I ate, licking her nose and being green with envy.

I used to hate it when I had to clean her crate every night before we sleep, when I had to follow her around when she starts sniffing so I can catch her poop with a newspaper, when I had to mop the floor when she peed, or when I had to wake up early so I can feed her. But I now miss all of them. Especially the way she waited for me to wake up every morning, and get really excited and start jumping around when I finally call her name and I get out of bed.

I remember the first time I got back to the city because I had classes the next day. I brought her with me to stay, because I was alone at that time. I was cleaning my room, and she just lay there waiting for me patiently to finish so she could have my full attention. She was also the one who looked at me with eyes full of concern when I was crying. I was pouring my heart out to her, and she looked at me, tilting her head. I knew she couldn’t understand any word I was saying, but the look on her face was enough to make me feel better because she knew what I was feeling.

I am feeling a little better right now. But I still cry whenever I see her little spot in my room where she used to sleep every night.Then I remember everything about her and I start crying all over again.

Perhaps some people would probably think that crying this way over a dog is real silly. But what they don’t understand is how much Piper has brought so much joy to my family. It’s so difficult to lose someone who used to be there, always happy just to see you.

Love transcends species. When you love someone, it’s difficult to let go. It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with an animal or a human. It’s still love that you give freely to another being.

the great 3rd year

I don't like the 3rd year of medschool. TOXIC. And who's our preceptor for the Med-2 Ward? Dr. Angbengco. Great. I'm so not looking forward to coming to class on Thursdays. I think I'm not the only one. My friends and I would be more than happy to delete Thursday from our schedule. That's odd. We want to be doctors and yet we hate the subject that gives us a feel of what it's really like to be one.

And why do I fall asleep in class? I always laughed at Mitzi before about her sleeping in class. Now I'm the one sleeping in class. I wanna listen. I really do. But sometimes I just get sooo sleepy, I just give up the fight trying to stay awake. Funny though, I saw Nicky not listening too and half-asleep already, for the first time. I forgot what subject that was.. Haha. Peace. :)

*Sigh* Good thing there are no classes on Monday. Let's just see what happens. I've got to find a way to make studying now a more enjoyable thing.

Happy birthday, Joey. :)

hello, blog!

School starts again on Monday. I'm not excited at all. And why do my uniforms always turn out to have the wrong neckline? A little too low for me this time.

My Tita Bonita's given birth to an incredibly chubby baby! Goodness. A 9-pounder! She looks like my late uncle Rey's youngest daughter. Hehe.

I'm going back to school. Sigh. Well at least I'm going to see all my friends again.