After 6 years of absence, I accidentally rediscovered that I, have a blog. I spent the night going through my previous entries, and more than half of it I couldn't remember writing. It was actually like reading someone else's blog.
The last entry I said just 2 more days and I'm done with clerkship. Wow. A lot has happened. I've finished clerkship, finished internship, graduated from medschool, passed the boards, went into OB-GYN residency, and finished 4 years of it.
Wow.
When you put it like that, you wonder where all those years went.
And yeah, I've broken up with my boyfriend after 10 years. We haven't seen each other for 2 years already. Oh well. Some things aren't meant to be I guess.
So I've been officially unemployed for 24 days. Been spending my days staying up late, waking up late, watching TV the whole day, taking breaks to eat meals three times a day and take a bath. The first few days I loved it. Having all the time to myself. Not having to wake up early, force myself to tolerate a very cold shower, then go to the hospital everyday and not go home every three days and wait for the next baby to be born. But then, after some time (in my case, after 2 weeks), I just suddenly missed that routine. A routine which provides me money monthly by the way..
My hands are itching to operate. I miss my SS patients. I miss the walls of the DR. Now I have to start all over again, by myself. With no schedule, no chairman or training officers to tell me what to do, no deadlines to meet. It's all up to me now. And I understand what my consultants have been telling me before: "Mami-miss mo yan pag-graduate mo." "Mahirap magsimula." "Akala nila pag doktor ka na at graduate ka na madaling kumita ng pera." Oh my gosh. So so true.
Now I'm trying to find stints so I could earn money while I'm waiting for exams in July. I mean, being 30 years old, a graduate of Medicine, and still totally dependent on my father is not easy. You just feel kind of guilty that your parents have spent a fortune on you so you can "reach for your stars". And then while you're doing residency you still depend on them because what you earn isn't really enough. And then after another graduation and a little extra letters after your name, you still have to depend on them until you figure out how to start your career for real. I mean, they should be retired by now, for Pete's sake. Okay, maybe not retired. But not really working as in, working hard for you. Right? My other friends have given their parents stuff like La-z-boys and holiday trips and executive check-up packages. The most expensive gift I've given my tatay was a 3-thousand peso camera which, I won during a raffle.
I suck. Big time.
Okay. That's not really my goal to shower my father with lucrative gifts and what-not. I just want to be not dependent on him anymore when it comes to expenses, and be able to provide for him instead. Give back. People always say "Naintindihan nya yun", "Pagdating ng araw sya naman ang tiba-tiba". People don't really understand how we feel and I can't blame them. But just believe us when we say, the situation we are in is hard. :(
Add to that, being single. Haha. I just really want to have my own family.. Hopefully before the cutoff for advanced maternal age. They say there's always someone for everyone.
If you're out there, what's taking you so long? Hahaha.
Oh well. That's it. As if there's somebody out there who will read this.
I have to go back now to my throne in front of the TV. I love Discovery channel.
Nerd and proud.
Ciao.
